Raising Them

Can I Carry You?

© Brad Anderson

I guess that I can hold you

one more time before you grow.

And tell you that I love you

so that you will always know.

Please let me tie your shoe again.

One day you'll tie your own.

And when you think back to this time

I hope it's love I've shown.

Can I help you put your coat on?

Can I please cut up your meat?

Can I pull you in the wagon?

Can I pick you out a treat?

One day you might just care for me,

so let me care for you.

I want to be a part

of every little thing you do.

Tonight could I please wash your hair?

Can I put toys in the bath?

Can I help you count your small ten toes

before I teach you math?

Before you join a baseball team

can I pitch you one more ball?

And one more time can I stand near

to make sure you don't fall?

Let's take another space-ship ride

Up to the Planet Zoor.

Before our Cardboard Rocket

doesn't fit us anymore.

Please let me help you up the hill.

while you're still too small to climb.

And let me read you stories

while you're young and have the time.

I know the day will come

when you will do these things alone.

Will you recall the shoulder rides

and all the balls we've thrown?

I want you to grow stronger

than your Dad could ever be.

And when you find success

there will be no soul more proud than me.

So will you let me carry you?

One day you'll walk alone.

I cannot bear to miss one day

from now until you've grown.

Sadie's Blessing Day

It was a beautiful day for a baby blessing.  The most important people were all present at sacrament meeting and my dad and brother were able to bless my beautiful daughter.  It was a wonderful day.  Afterwards, we enjoyed so much delicious food at mom's and dad's and enjoyed company as well!  Thank you Kenny, Mike, Annette, Lynette, Clarie, Kelly, Leslie, Tommy, Lindsay, Mom, Dad, Mike, and Kids for all attending! You guys made the day great for us!  I sure love my little daughter and she is so lucky to have such wonderful people in her life.  

Hot Summer Days

My gorgeous kids at the Independence Day Parade 

It's been a hot summer :)  And we are lovin' it!

The kids with their new baby sister right after we got back from the hospital. 

Oooh that belly is so big LOL!  So satisfied :) 

S.W.A.K.

Well, the wait is over!  Really?  Could it be?  I have four kids now!  

So we finally have Miss Mersadie here and we're catchin' up on the old routine and getting comfortable in life now.  I went in on the sixth and had my water broken and she was born within two hours after the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life.  Wow.  But she is so perfect and so beautiful.  We are having the time of our lives getting to know her and just watching her.  She always has a crowd, whether it's the kids or other family or friends.  We have loved every moment.  The kids have been extremely helpful and just love to look at their sister.  They hold her for a few seconds at a time and then want me to take her, it's pretty funny.  But they always make sure to get their hand sanitizer on first, which makes me laugh at how diligent they are in it.  She is a comfortable baby, not particularly whiny, only when she needs something.  Her full name is Mersadie Jade Chaffin.  She was born June 6, 2012, and weighed  6 lbs 7 oz, 19.5 inches long.  

Please excuse the smeared makeup...this was just a couple of hours after I delivered.  

Just after her first bath and wide awake.

Cozying up with Grandma.

Laying on Papa's lap with the rose he got for her.

Sister sooooo happy to have her here finally!

Lovin' to be so awake already!

~Penelope's Graduation~

Baby girl graduates from Kindergarten tomorrow!  It cracks me up to see the "Class of 2024" on her graduation invitations, cause it seems so far away...but I'm sure the time will absolutely fly, and she will be 18 before I know it.  That will be a day I bawl my eyes out.

We put up a shelf for her personal beauty items yesterday, so that her girly stuff can be more organized, and it makes a cute decoration for her bathroom as well.  The boys don't seem to mind that the bathroom is decked out in girl stuff, ya, they don't even notice.  Growing up to be true men, I suppose...

Penny has come a long way this year.  She is finally reading pretty fluently and got over the hump concerning her reading struggles.  She still sounds everything out, but she'll catch on over the summer, I'm sure.  She doesn't care much for playing with the boys anymore.  She wants to do more grown up things like art projects and playing Barbies with mommy and baking.  Now that I have to provide more entertainment for her in that regard, I'm starting to get worn out already.  What happened to those days when she was thrilled with playing the "kid" games?

Kids grow way too fast!!

Early Morning Thoughts

It's 5:00 AM.  I am still exhausted but cannot sleep.  Two reasons for that:

Number one, it's windy outside and hot in the house.  Opening the windows feels great, but I feel so dried out.  I badly needed a drink.

Number two, my baby is kicking furiously and hiccuping...

So, of course, I'm just sitting here thinking.

It doesn't help that yesterday was a very odd day.  Dealt with some real issues inside my head and I've come to the understanding once again that I am in this alone.

But we all are alone in this.  As much as we are able to lean on God in times of unhappiness, this is what we were sent here for, and sometimes it can feel dark and frustrating.  Like a light you want to turn on, but cannot find the light switch anywhere.

Mostly, life would be much easier without the crazy people in it.

Don't get me wrong with that comment.  I'm a very happy person.  I love life, I love the beauty of it, and I love it that we have the opportunity to discover ourselves and grow.  At the same time, you can't help but wonder "why?"

I love it that I have friends who are so supportive and real and there for me.  They are honest with me, and sometimes can be harsh, but I very much appreciate it because I know they truly care.  They are the ones I picture myself sitting on a porch drinking lemonade with when I'm 70 years old.  No matter how many months or years go by, they'll always be there for me.  I love them so much for that!

We all go through crap in life.  It's not easy.  We are all very different and have different challenges, but there's no need for judgment.  Pretending life is perfect isn't fooling anyone.  But we all know that honesty can bug the crap out of some people. I'm happy with who I am, and I know it dissatisfies certain people in my life.  I tend to get knocked down for it quite frequently.  And sometimes I get kicked while I'm down there.  I might at times be considered to be "embarrassing," or "too honest."  I have people in my life who want me to change.  They don't want me to be me.  Why they care so much, I couldn't tell you.  I could hide my faults, flaws, and mistakes, my insecurities, (haha, there's not really that many) but nothing's going to change the fact that they exist.  Life is inevitable.  I will make mistakes.  Regardless of whether or not you choose to hide your problems, maybe for the sake of not being criticized or not being embarrassed, that's your decision.  It doesn't have to be mine.  I don't have to pretend to be perfect.  I've spent too many years "faking," and I'm not going to waste anymore years.  It makes me unhappy to be that way.

This reminds me of the movie, "Mona Lisa Smile."  So many "pretenders" exist...narcissistic players in the game of life that want to control the way you do things.  Why do they care so much?  There's so much in life to enjoy and to experience.  Negative feelings are a waste of time.  They stress you out and age you.  Stress is proven to be poison for your body.  Just let it go, let it out, be a good person, and live for yourself.  Life is short, why worry about what everyone else thinks of you?  I'm not worried about it.

That doesn't mean you need to air your dirty laundry in public.  I mean, if you want to, I'm not going to judge you for it.  If you don't want to, then that's your decision as well.  All I'm saying is that there's no need to concern yourself with what others do or to make judgments about what others do.  Live life for yourself.  As long as you are happy and being good to others, and doing your absolute best, there should be no concern with it.

I promise that the moment you start living for yourself, living honestly, and focusing on what really matters in life, is the day you will find your happiness.

Baby Name Dilemma!

Aargh, I can't make up my mind on a baby name!  It's hard to find another name that still fits the "old-fashionedness" of what I've already picked for my other three, so that they can still  have a long name and short name.  Oh, why does it have to be so complicated?

So here's what I have:

Isabel (I know it's popular) but it fits all of my criteria...It's a long version for Bella, Izzy or Belle, but the middle name doesn't quite work with it.  (Isabel -------Jade?).  Can that work?  Cause I really like something like Isabel Rochelle or something "prettier" I guess.  Not sure..

Giselle -  Also fits my criteria.  Nicknames would be Gigi, Ellie, or Ella.  Middle name, Jade?  Again having this problem.  Jade no worky.

Isabel Chaffin works better than Giselle Chaffin in my opinion, but does it really have to flow perfectly?

Then the last choice:

Mercy Jade- Love it cause it's different, but no nickname for Mercy..  But she could be called MJ.

And then there's my original pick, Scarlet, which I still love, but hate that it has no nickname.  That's what is holding me back with it.  I really don't want my daughter to be called "Scar."

Oh what to do?  What to do?

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to throw them out to me!

Attachment -

I came across some interesting information about attachment I thought I would share. I first came across this information just trying to find out what healthy attachment is. At preschool they test my kids for attachment issues. In their case, this points out how the kids react when I leave and while I am gone. Do they detach easily from me or do they cling on when I leave? Healthy attachment would be proven by the kids knowing where they are, not clinging to mom when mom leaves, and realizing that mom is going to come back. In my kids' case, no problems. They sense that stability from me, which makes me very proud. That doesn't come naturally to a child. Attachment is established at birth.

There are three different styles of attachment:

Secure attachment - When a mom is consistently available and responsive, an infant naturally creates that healthy attachment.  It's also done by consistency in routine and expectations.

Anxious/preoccupied attachment - An inconsistent or overly-protective mother will cause an infant to overly need mommy. They won't go to other people, they just need mom. They become anxious when mom leaves and they are always monitoring mom and what she's doing.

and

Dismissing attachment - When caregivers are neglectful, infants will grow to show few signs of needing their caregivers.  They do not spend a lot of time trying to get their caregiver’s attention, and they do their best to cope with problems on their own.  They are fighters and become defensive people.

As an adult, the style of attachment we develop affects how we treat our partners.

Adults with "secure" attachment are the closest to each other. They have more satisfying and longer relationships. They are comfortable depending and being depended on. They are naturally more trusting and open.

Adults with "anxious/preoccupied" attachment are constantly worried about their relationship. They are more likely to be jealous, and they never stop questioning their partner's love for them. They crave and desperately need intimacy. They rarely feel completely loved. It is easier to take advantage of this type in love and romance, which creates more anxiety.

Adults with "dismissive" attachment are uncomfortable in relationships and fear them. They do not like it when people get too close and they don't like to be depended on. Dismissing individuals tend not to trust others, and they are more self-sufficient, cynical, and independent in nature. They are less likely to fall deeply in love and need a lot less affection and intimacy. Dismissing individuals are more apt to put their time into their careers, hobbies, and activities than their relationships.

It's interesting to me how attachment style as an infant determines how we treat others as adults, and it makes a lot of sense. If moms understood that their decisions from birth determine a lot about a their baby's whole life, I think we could avoid a lot of problems.  It definitely says a lot about my relationships.

This Mother's Day marks my sixth year as a mother. It's something you can never comprehend before children are in your life. The responsibility, the stress, the worry, the happiness, the love, the tears, the joy, the Truth of what being a mother is (and a father as well), is remarkable. Sometimes I can't help but think about how easy it must be to be childless...but the guilty thought quickly leaves because I would never ever ever want a part in that world. It's hard to be a parent, and doing it by yourself can sometimes be so overwhelming you wonder how you are still alive sometimes. When I watch my babies sleep at night, I can't fathom for what reason I have been so blessed in my life. My kids bring so much unconditional happiness to me. No strings attached. They will love me forever, and that's something I can always count on. It's such a great and huge responsibility, but one I would never ever throw away. Anyone who comes into my life expecting me to put them aside, can just turn right around and go the other way. This life can be frustrating and bewildering in so many ways, and God knew what he was doing when he gave us mothers. I am thankful for my mother, who severely stresses me out sometimes, but nevertheless I love her so incredibly words cannot describe. Happy Mother's Day!

Artwork of my Sis

Staying up late>>>Playing with pictures. Time for bed -

My cousin Azzy, 20, was involved in an almost fatal car accident two weeks ago and has since been treated at University Hospital in Salt Lake. She was in a coma for four days and has come out of the coma, but is still in critical care. It could be this way for the next few months, or longer, we just aren't sure right now. We are grateful that she is still here with us and are hopeful of an amazing recovery. Her mom, Andrea, has started up a Facebook page in support of Azzy. They are accepting donations and would appreciate any support you can offer, even if it's just to "like" the page. Click the link below to find it: http://www.facebook.com/HelpAzzyComeHome. Below is a project we did together last year and had so much fun with it. It breaks my heart that she is now struggling for her life. Please support!

It took me a few hours to create this one up, but it's always been a tradition of mine to personally create each of my babes' birthday invitations and make 'em fun, so they'll eventually have a book full of invitations. It's a lot of fun to work on them, and I'm grateful for the time I have to do it. Here's our most recent and a few from past years:

So you know what's hilarious? The fact that I have let this blog go for so long now that I'm pretty sure I could never recount what has happened since I last wrote, 1.5 years ago, and how much my life has changed is incredible. I am now expecting baby number 4 in a short 5 weeks from now, and my preparation is weak to say the least. I have so much to do and so little time! I started a job at Domino's Pizza today for pizza delivery on the weekends :) What would my mom say about this? Hmmmm...I can tell you exactly: "Really? That is such a white trash job! Don't tell anyone about it. Honey, you have a Bachelors degree. Why do you have to do this? Ugh. stomp stomp stomp." Oh, you gotta love that beautiful woman. I don't need a lot of money, just a bit, and how more perfect is it to only work on the weekends so I can see my kids and care for them the rest of the week with no worries about leaving them for a day job? And with the added bonus of pizza for dinner regularly, I think I've got it made! :) Well, not really, but it will do for now. One day at a time! May I take your order? :)