Attachment -

I came across some interesting information about attachment I thought I would share. I first came across this information just trying to find out what healthy attachment is. At preschool they test my kids for attachment issues. In their case, this points out how the kids react when I leave and while I am gone. Do they detach easily from me or do they cling on when I leave? Healthy attachment would be proven by the kids knowing where they are, not clinging to mom when mom leaves, and realizing that mom is going to come back. In my kids' case, no problems. They sense that stability from me, which makes me very proud. That doesn't come naturally to a child. Attachment is established at birth.

There are three different styles of attachment:

Secure attachment - When a mom is consistently available and responsive, an infant naturally creates that healthy attachment.  It's also done by consistency in routine and expectations.

Anxious/preoccupied attachment - An inconsistent or overly-protective mother will cause an infant to overly need mommy. They won't go to other people, they just need mom. They become anxious when mom leaves and they are always monitoring mom and what she's doing.

and

Dismissing attachment - When caregivers are neglectful, infants will grow to show few signs of needing their caregivers.  They do not spend a lot of time trying to get their caregiver’s attention, and they do their best to cope with problems on their own.  They are fighters and become defensive people.

As an adult, the style of attachment we develop affects how we treat our partners.

Adults with "secure" attachment are the closest to each other. They have more satisfying and longer relationships. They are comfortable depending and being depended on. They are naturally more trusting and open.

Adults with "anxious/preoccupied" attachment are constantly worried about their relationship. They are more likely to be jealous, and they never stop questioning their partner's love for them. They crave and desperately need intimacy. They rarely feel completely loved. It is easier to take advantage of this type in love and romance, which creates more anxiety.

Adults with "dismissive" attachment are uncomfortable in relationships and fear them. They do not like it when people get too close and they don't like to be depended on. Dismissing individuals tend not to trust others, and they are more self-sufficient, cynical, and independent in nature. They are less likely to fall deeply in love and need a lot less affection and intimacy. Dismissing individuals are more apt to put their time into their careers, hobbies, and activities than their relationships.

It's interesting to me how attachment style as an infant determines how we treat others as adults, and it makes a lot of sense. If moms understood that their decisions from birth determine a lot about a their baby's whole life, I think we could avoid a lot of problems.  It definitely says a lot about my relationships.